Partnering as Parents

Parenting is tough job—one that unfortunately does not come with an instruction manual. Most parents do the best that they can, and while doing so end up teaching their children that they do not have to listen to either of their parents. This probably surprises you, but it is true.

Tell me if the following sounds familiar: One parent says that the children need to be in bed by 8:00 p.m., but when they are at a late meeting, you let them stay up till 9:00 or 9:30 and say "Don't tell X, this is our secret." How about this one? One of your children says that they really want to have the newest video game system out, and your spouse says that they cannot have it. So what do you do? You go out and buy it as a gift for your child.

I think that you get the idea. It is instances such as these that tell your children they don't need to listen. This is probably not what you had in mind, but it is what you are teaching your children. Chances are that the situation is even more pronounced in the case of divorced parents.

So how does a parent keep this from happening, or fix it if already going on? The answer is really simple, believe it or not. In fact, you could say that it is so simple that it's hard, since all that you need to do really is be your spouse's partner. The way that you do this is by having a discussion with your other half, and coming up with a plan of action together.

What this means is that you should talk with your partner, and actually become their partner. Do not take unilateral action on anything. Try playing what I call the "what if" game with your partner. This entails coming up with a scenario before it becomes a reality, and talking over what you would do together in such a situation. Doing this, you take away much of the chaos that comes along with life.

By playing this "game" and actually becoming a partner to your spouse you provide a united front. This teaches your children (whether you are still married to the other party or not) that your concern is more about their welfare than who is liked more. Children, believe it or not, prefer a life with limits and boundaries. This partnership ensures that there are such boundaries known and enforced in their life, ensuring that there is a clear and decisive unity in your actions.