Teaching Children

As a parent or significant adult in a child's life, you're most likely well aware that we teach children by example every day. Most experts agree that the best lesson you can teach your child is that of being a responsible person. Teaching a child personal accountability will help the child learn that there are consequences resulting from choices—good or bad.

I work with a woman who never takes responsibility for errors she makes. When her superior points to substantiated proof that she did, indeed, make the mistake, she still denies that she did. This is the same woman who continues to fix her twenty-something daughter's mistakes, cleaning up the aftermath and making it possible for the daughter to continue bad behavior. Since she has made it possible for her daughter to never assume responsibility for poor choices, I suppose this woman thinks that someone at work will fix her mistakes, and that's why she doesn't take responsibility for her own errors.

If you've a child in your life, do him a favor. Allow him to make choices, and then allow him to abide the consequences. Better than that, however—allow him to see that you are a responsible and honest person. If your phone rings while you're eating dinner, and your wife gets up to answer it and she lets you know that it's your boss, don't say, "Tell him I'm not at home!" The message that you're sending to your child is that it's okay to lie and it's okay to put off contending with problems. Instead, take the call and deal with whatever it is your boss wants. That way, you're teaching your child by example that it's best to always be honest and deal with conflict head on, and not turn away from your responsibility.

There are everyday opportunities for teaching children. When you become angry or frustrated, do you take your anger out on others? If you find coins in a store while shopping for groceries, do you pocket the change or turn it over to the service desk? Do you tell half-truths to your spouse when your children know the real story? Do you have house rules that you break, yet expect everyone else to follow? Do you shirk your chores yet punish your children if they don't do theirs?

Examine your own behavior and how the children in your life perceive you. Whether you know it or not, children learn what they are taught, either overtly or covertly. Become a more responsible person, with a values and beliefs system firmly in place, and the children in your life will most likely grow to emulate those same characteristics.