Disciplining Pre-Teens

One of the most trying and worrisome periods in a child's life is the 9 to 12 years old range. Frustration can lead to outbursts as your child reacts to his resentment at being treated like a little child, but is not quite ready for the unknown expectations associated with being a teenager. Though it may not seem obvious, you are your child's closest ally and he will look to you for guidance to help him make the transition.

As children teeter on the brink of teen-hood, their anxieties are further heightened because of emotional and physical changes they are experiencing caused by increasing and fluctuating hormones. Keep these facts in mind when disciplining your preteen. Discipline is about teaching, and nothing will be gained if your methods involve a lot of yelling at your child, or criticizing his mistakes and misuse of judgment. You do need to take the time to observe your child because when you see what they are doing and how they are reacting to situations, as this will allow you to redesign your approach in handling unfamiliar territory with your preteen.

Preteens, just like teenagers, will test you and the rules you have had in place pertaining to them. This is a normal part of growing up. However, while some of the behavior may surprise or anger you, do your best to remain consistent with your discipline and punishment. This is an important time of development for your child, and it is critical to make sure you are available to them to listen when they need to talk. Preteens may begin to keep secrets and reveal personal fears to their peers, but by maintaining an open line of communication with your child they will understand that you are there to offer them advice if it is needed, or to simply listen to what they need to share. If they have this open dialogue with you, it may reduce any building friction in your relationship and potential disciplinary issues.

Here are some ways in which you can attempt to effectively handle your evolving child's behavior, and it is important to always help your child understand the correlation between the discipline and punishment you administer:

Testing authority is to be expected, and tolerated to an extent. When it comes to school work, the rule is they should have it completed or suffer the consequences. This is a situation that you may want to let play out on its own. If your preteen decides he is not going to do a homework assignment, do not expend your energy on forcing him to do it, or worse helping him finish it. Let him go to school without it being completed, and he will experience discipline from an authority figure in his life. This could include a failing grade for the assignment, detention, or a letter home to his parents. Let the punishment take its course because it will fit the offense, and it is an opportunity for your child to learn about the boundaries in one area of his life.

Before hitting his preteens, maybe your child was a very helpful family member, but now whines about how bored he is with every suggested activity. Help him overcome his boredom by having on hand a stack of index cards with chores written on them. Every time he starts to whine about being bored, tell him he just won a card from your boredom cards because there is always something to do and he should not waste the day complaining (this is the discipline,) and inform him he must complete the chore assigned on the index card (this is the punishment.)

Any current preteen is definitely addicted to tech-gadgets. When you are forced to discipline your child for a demonstration of poor behavior, a suitable punishment is to take away mobile phone and/or computer privileges (except for school work.) At this stage, these gadgets are merely for social connections and they will feel the full effects of your punishment when they lose the privilege to use them.