Divorce and Children

Divorce can be very devastating for the adults terminating a marriage. How you and your spouse or partner handle your divorce situation can determine the affects your children will have in their new living situation. Maintaining a healthy emotional and mental positive attitude can help ease your children into living a different home circumstance.

• Talk to your children. Ideally both you and your soon to be ex-spouse can sit down and discuss the home situation. Depending on the age of the children, questions may be different so prepare yourself in advance. Younger children especially will not understand why there would be a need to have parents live in separate domiciles.
• Try to keep your emotions to yourself. Discuss with your spouse trigger points that can flare up a conversation and try to avoid those trigger points so the children will not be upset more than they already have been with the new life change they are experiencing.
• It is easy to point fingers at one another when speaking about an emotionally charged subject as divorce with children. No one wants to be identified as the person who caused a break-up. The important thing is to focus on the love that will still be there for the children. It is easy to place blame. Feelings are hurt but these are adult emotions that can be discussed later with your ex-spouse or a professional.
• Reassure your children the divorce is not their fault. On many occasions, children feel their actions caused their parents to fight and separate. Removing feelings of guilt will help you and your children move in a positive light towards your family's new home situation.
• Discuss living situations should there be a split with children living with different parents. Answer your children's questions honestly. This is a very difficult time for all involved. Finding solutions that will not disturb your children's schools and school and sports activities will enable your children to maintain a sense of stability during a turbulent time in your home's life.
• Keeping closer eyes on your children during a time of divorce is always advised. Negative behavior changes may indicate your child may not be vocalizing their true feelings and may be finding unconstructive or harmful outlets to express their emotions. Discuss any changes with your schoolteachers and counselor. Contact your family therapist or other professional you are seeing to help your family to discuss your children's behavioral concerns.
• Thousands of children go through home changes due to divorce. Children are very resilient and can make it through difficult times. Maintaining lines of communication open is very important in helping your children through this tough time.

Divorce is complicated on its own. Adding children can make a tough situation tougher. Do not hesitate to contact professionals who work with divorce and children. Speaking to someone who understands the challenges you and your children are facing can provide you with suggestions to ease the challenging time.